A Few Things Dads Should Know

Anyone who thinks childbirth is all about the mom is missing out on the full process. Hopefully you enjoyed the conception, but it just gets better from there.

There is nothing better than getting to know your baby from the first moment. Try to go to every appointment, learn about what’s happening to the female body and how the baby is forming, it’s an incredible process.

Then comes the big day……

Be there and be present for it all. While your wife can feel everything, you have the unique ability to see everything. Trust me, mom has a lot on her mind and is pretty preoccupied with giving birth to a child. Your job is to remember everything!

Put down the phone and truly be present for the best experience you two can have together.

For me, one of the most special conversations I’ve ever had was sharing my perspective and vantage point about the beauty of childbirth with my wife. Believe me, your wife will want to know every detail you’ve got.

Of course, being present extends beyond childbirth. Here are a few things that every Dad should know to be an engaged, supportive father and a loving partner.

Trust your instincts. Before and after the birth, feel free to check the internet but don’t rely on it as the final answer for everything. The internet, as well as family and friends, are full of ideas and information, so  it can be a resource to learn and build confidence. More importantly, however, trust your instincts as parents. We’ve got innate skills to handle most situations thrown our way, so no need to second guess yourself.

Be mom’s #1 fan. Even if you have doubts, show confidence in what mom knows, and be her number one fan. Remember that with all the experience your wife may or may not have with children, she is experiencing something new as well. All children are different and this is YOUR baby. The best compliment you can give your wife is reassuring her that she’s doing a great job and she’s a great mom. Your wife will take comfort and find calm in your confidence and willingness to support her.

Reduce stress. Be there to help with the small things at the house. If you can, consider hiring someone to help on occasion. Make it possible for your wife to focus her energy and love on the baby. No questions asked — do the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, fold the clothes, or find someone other than mom to do it. Reducing external stress can help create a more perfect environment of love for the baby. One thing I did was to have someone cook a couple meals each week and keep them in the fridge so cooking was never a thought my wife had to have. Eliminate as much stress as you can.

Everything takes time! To me, early is on time. Know that all transitions take time and going places with three of you is way different than just two.

Know how the baby is supposed to sleep. Babies sleep in very specific positions from birth. Know what they are and what makes them feel happy and safe. You and your wife will sleep better once you figure this out.

Prepare for a Mother’s love…of someone else. All that attention you’re used to and the extra efforts your lady makes…that’s going elsewhere. It will slowly return, but respect where the love is going. There’s nothing more important that giving your child the love and attention they need.

Over smile! Babies love to mimic and are learning each day. Help them develop positive habits.

Sleep is gold. Any chance you have, take over and politely tell mama to go nap and get rest. Most likely they won’t want to leave the baby and that’s your time to insist or just take the baby to another room. Soon she’ll be sleeping and drooling on the pillow.

Spend one-on-one time with the baby. I think it’s healthy for moms to spend time away from the baby. I think it’s just as important for dads to spend one-on-one time with the baby. Start with an hour. Do it for a night or a weekend. My wife took a girls weekend trip and it was then that I went from a 99% dad to a 100% capable father. It comes from knowing mom’s not there to make everything OK. Feeling truly comfortable with your baby alone means you can focus on love and care instead of worry and wonder.

Don’t miss a day. If you’re going to be away for hours or even days, FaceTime with your baby. See them everyday, not only because they grow and change so quickly but you’ll keep perspective on what’s most important.

Never compare. Parenthood is not about who’s doing more or who’s doing what. It’s not a contest between parents on who’s the better parent. You’re a team. Be present and be proactive.

Babies cry. Take a breath and figure out why. No need to worry or panic.

Got a girl? Dance with her every night!

Be social. Introduce your baby to other babies, other people. They learn so much by seeing other babies and interacting.

Want to be a good dad, know this. Babies feel it all and they see it all. Be the person you want them to learn from. Be a person you want them to grow up to be. Lead by example and most importantly enjoy every moment.  

This isn’t everything, of course (I’m still learning every day), but it’s a good start.

Good luck!

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