Bonding Time

Although my daughter is still a newborn, I know creating a bond with her starts now. As I shared in a previous blog The Night Shift, I started creating that bond in part by feeding her breast milk that my wife would pump into a bottle. Mothers breastfeed their baby almost every hour, on the hour, creating plenty of opportunities for bonding time. Yes, the child needs milk to stay alive, so it’s kind of a necessity. But in the baby’s mind, they understand early on that when they are hungry, it’s mommy who will come to the rescue. As a father, you can also take on this nurturing role and set a similar expectation: if the mother of your child is breastfeeding, ask her to pump milk into a bottle so that you can feed and provide for your baby as well. If you are a family that feeds their baby formula, even better. Split the time in which you feed the baby. It will not only help you begin to build the bond between you and your baby, but it will help the mother of your child more than you can imagine. Two free hands for a woman who just had a baby goes a long way, even if it’s only for ten minutes at a time.

Feeding your child is only one way of creating a bond with your little one.

There are many other things you can do; my favorite bonding activity is reading to her. After my wife and I give my daughter her regular 10 p.m. shower, my wife lotions her little body, combs her hair, wraps her in a swaddle, puts a soother in her mouth, and hands her to me. From there, I read to my daughter each and every night. This “bonding time” is powerful in many ways.

I love to read. It gives me more diverse and varied perspectives on life. It helps shape my thoughts and inform my values. When I read to my daughter, I am sharing something I love and hopefully inspiring her to value diverse perspectives as well. Though she won’t be reading the same novels I read for a little while, it’s important to me that the seed is planted. What I am doing is simply nurturing in her the desire to gain new knowledge way earlier than I ever did. Some may say, “She can’t even speak yet, how do you think she is retaining anything you’re saying?” My response is simple. A child is never too young to be influenced positively or negatively. What you say and do in front of your child — from the time they first open their eyes — will have a significant effect on how they think and will play a vital role in the person they become.

Reading with my daughter also gives my wife time to do all the little things she needs to do before getting in bed. She usually uses our reading time to shower and exfoliate. But she might also tidy up the house or catch up on her social media.

Most importantly, I take this time to reflect as a father. There are not many times throughout the day when I get to sit with my daughter, phone off, and just get to vibe with her. For that 10-15 minutes of reading, she watches me closely and intently; I may not know what she’s thinking, but it feels as if she enjoys our father/daughter time just as much as I do.

Some people don’t like to read, and that’s OK. If you can sing, sing a lullaby to your child every night. If you play an instrument, take some time to play your child a tune. Find something that you love and share it with them. While they may not be able to sing along or understand what you’re saying or doing right now (just like my daughter), I promise you that the more they grow, the more they will appreciate it. And if you can’t think of something you love that you want to share with your child, find a shared activity; creating bonding time is as simple as taking your child for a walk. What might seem like “nothing,” will one day turn into something…pushing a newborn in a stroller for a few blocks might one day become walking and talking with your child and enjoying the outdoors together.

Being intentional about strengthening the bond with your child provides a deep sense of fulfillment and purpose, no matter how simple or straightforward your method may be. Doing so brings a sense that you are shaping your child the right way and doing it your way.