Childbirth: Overseas vs America

When I think about us having two kids right now it’s still crazy to me. They’re both growing so fast. It almost doesn’t even seem real the majority of the time…though it does when one of them is hitting me with a bat (yeah, an actual bat — that’s a story for another day).

What’s also real are the differences between having a child in the United States and overseas. We had the chance to have both of our kids abroad, but after our first child was born, we decided to have our second back home in the US.

Our daughter Kaydence was born in a hospital in Ulm, Germany. The first thing that comes to mind about that experience was that the main doctor let his assistants do most of the work when delivering the baby. He trusted his assistants that much. Obviously, it was our first child, so we didn’t know what to expect, but I thought and hoped the doctor would be more hands on. Another surprise was that I wasn’t able to stay with my wife because she was sharing a room with another mother. Imagine having two different families that are about to have newborns, that have no connection whatsoever, sharing the same room. And if you have visitors…it was a whole situation, aka no privacy at all.

We had a completely different experience with Kalon. The hospital in Waterloo, Iowa gave us a whole suite to ourselves, so there were no issues with how long I could or would stay with my family in the hospital. In Germany, I wanted to respect the other mother’s privacy so I felt obligated to limit my stay while visiting with my wife, even after seeing my daughter for the first time.

(Note: One potential factor that might sway the decision the other way is cost. If you don’t have insurance your best bet is to have your child overseas. It’s just a lot more expensive in the US.)

Obviously, if you have your child in America and live in America, the last thing you’re thinking about is getting a passport for your child because you’re already home. But when you’re American and living overseas, it’s one of the first things you think about before and after the birth. The whole process of getting it done is a headache and then some. There’s a trail of paperwork, dealing with the embassy…and it has to get done quickly because at some point soon, that child is going to need to go back to the US. Even in a modern country like Germany it was an annoying process for Kaydence. None of this was an issue with Kalon.

It seems obvious, but maybe the most overlooked consideration for Americans who are having a child overseas is doing it all alone. It’s just you and your partner making it all happen. When you’re home, it’s so much easier to plan a birth and prepare for raising a child with family members around. They’re there to welcome the newest addition and available to help out anytime. Overseas, days need to be planned perfectly — from getting the newborn the proper shots and getting them a passport to all the little things that come with raising a newborn. (And in a foreign country or really any country, perfect timing is not always possible.) Add in other factors, like just being really tired from a long day of practice or watching the baby…it doesn’t matter, you’re both going to be tired and you’ll still have to get everything done. Through all that adversity, you need to find time to enjoy being a parent. It is manageable, but at the same time, very difficult.

Our experiences with Kaydence and Kalon were very different, but at the end of the day, it all worked out just fine. My children are the best thing that ever happened to me and I love them both with everything I have; where they were born is just part of our story. Nonetheless, our personal comfort and privacy are factors we would consider more strongly in the future — and could possibly keep us from having another child overseas.