Do What Works For You

Having a first child is a new challenge for every parent.

Even if you helped raise your siblings or cousins, raising your child is a different kind of experience. Every parent wants to make sure that they raise their child the right way so that they grow up to be responsible, respectful, and successful. But not everybody will agree on how you should do that. Everybody has their own “right way” to parent a child.

Sometimes their “right way” may be the total opposite of what you think is right.

Who’s actually right?

Nobody!

How YOU decide to raise YOUR child is the RIGHT WAY. You created this human being, you brought them into this world. You’ve been there since their first breath. They are your responsibility and will grow to be a reflection of you. You are allowed to raise them however you’d like.

Now please don’t get this twisted.

I believe strongly in taking advice from others who have been through it, who have experience with parenting. As a father, I am very open to advice from family, friends, and any other parents that I trust. They might not be raising my daughter, but they have raised their own child(ren) through trial and error. They have seen what works and what doesn’t. Because of this I am open to hearing them out.

There are so many things that I could write about that parents approach differently; sometimes in the opposite way. What follows are things that you may disagree with, but have worked for me…because at the end of the day, all I can do is write from what I know and have experienced. I am not here to teach or preach, just here to share:

Don’t pump too early

Some people, even midwives, told my wife not to pump early. Their reasoning was that her breast would over-produce milk, resulting in milk build-up, which would then turn into breast pain. My wife initially listened to this advice (which wasn’t wrong as this may be a result for some women). But for my wife, the milk build-up was too much because it took our daughter a while to get the hang of breastfeeding. Ultimately, she said “F*** it, babe, I have to pump, my breasts are killing me.” It was the biggest relief to her. Not only was she able to drain the milk from her breast when our daughter didn’t drink, she was also able to create bottles of milk for me to feed our daughter.

Don’t give your baby a bottle too early

People initially told us that if we gave our daughter a bottle too early, she would get so used to it that she would prefer to drink from a bottle than from my wife’s breast. I can understand the logic, but we decided to test the theory and it worked in our favor. Our daughter still does both, drinking from either when we need her to.

Don’t give your baby a soother too early

We decided to give our daughter her soother a month after she was born. We were told that if babies get used to the soother, they’re more likely to create a bad latch onto the breast. For us, the soother has been a lifesaver. No matter the situation, on most occasions, the soother stops our daughter from crying. And it did not affect her latching onto my wife’s breast in any way. I realize not all babies take their soother —  which is very unfortunate. I don’t know what we would do if my daughter didn’t! In my opinion, the soother may be the best invention ever created for parents.

Don’t bathe your child every night

This isn’t a topic that creates as much debate as others, but we heard that bathing every night isn’t good for a baby’s skin. I put this on the list because we found that baths soothe our daughter and she has her best sleep after we run her under warm water before bedtime. We only soap her up and get in between her cute little rolls every other night. I recommend trying this for your child if they aren’t sleeping great. The warm water will relax the baby’s body before bed.

Don’t use technology too close to you child

I once posted a video on my Instagram profile of my daughter watching a YouTube video on my iPad. After posting it, one of my followers messaged me saying, “you shouldn’t put any type of technology too close to you child, especially to watch it directly. There is something called ‘mobile FaceTime’ that can create neurological problems with your child later in life”. I appreciate the concern, but with our daughter we only allow her to watch certain videos on YouTube which actually help her development. The videos we show her have images, shapes, and colors that she can recognize at a young age. To add, we show her these videos for five to ten minutes at most. I think technology can be used as a tool for a child’s development when used the right way.

Side Note: Here is a link to my daughter’s favorite video. It stops her from crying instantly!

Don’t hold your child too much

Now this is a big topic for debate. Some people believe that holding your child too much will make them handsy or clingy as they grow up, that it will result in crying everytime they are down. There’s also a concern that the baby won’t be able to fall asleep without being in a parent’s arms. I do believe this to a certain extent. You have to find a balance between allowing them to have their own time and providing a parental comfort zone. My wife and I love holding our daughter, but every morning we put her on her playmat for about 30 minutes where she can enjoy playtime by herself. As parents we want our daughter to be independent, but there is a lot of time for her to learn how to be. Don’t allow people to make you feel guilty for holding your baby.

Don’t co-sleep

On a very serious final note…co-sleeping. I saved this one for last because it is a touchy subject. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), also known as cot death or crib death, is the third leading cause of death for newborns. When sleeping in bed with your young child (age one or less), they can suffocate for many different reasons. A parent can turn on top of them; they may not know how to move their head from a bad position — there are a number of dangerous scenarios. My wife and I did a lot of research on this before our daughter was born and decided to buy her a DockATot. This is a small, safe bassinet that your baby can sleep in. We put her in the DockATot and placed it between us on our bed when going to sleep. Although it took up a lot of space, we got used to it. When my wife needed to wake up to feed our daughter (who cried every few hours when she was first born), she was right there for my wife to turn and feed her. Now that our daughter is older, she still sleeps in the DockATot, but it is beside our bed instead of in the middle of it.

I could go on and on about hotly debated topics for parenting a newborn, what worked for us and what didn’t. I realize that every parent can do the same. What I’ve shared is simply my own experience; some of these things may work for you and some may not. You may agree or disagree and that is completely fine. Being a good parent is not about doing everything by the book, it is about doing what works for you. I encourage you to not look down on other parents who have different techniques. Nobody is around your child as much as you are; they don’t know the little details about your child that you know.

I will say it again for the people in the back who may not have heard me:

There is no one proven way to raise a child. How YOU decide to raise YOUR child is the RIGHT WAY!