Goodbye and Hello

Long live Maria Corona. ‍

The young, beautiful, vibrant, caring woman who met an untimely demise at the age of 28. On September 5, 2019, the sick irony of life that one could have never predicted. Just four days after Maria met our beautiful daughter Alina, the both had to say their goodbyes. ‍

Maria left this world.

Alina lost her mother.

And I lost the love of my life.‍

Alina is Maria’s first, and only child. If she was still with us today, she would wholeheartedly tell you that giving birth to Alina was the best day of her life. To experience childbirth, I believe, changes the whole mental makeup of a woman. When I tell you, it was extravagant how Marina altered her approach and perspective once she first met Alina. It was undoubtedly the most genuine connection I have ever experienced between two human beings. Such an instant attachment.

The future was so bright. Our future was so bright.

We got to the point in our lives, which we talked about so many times over. Raising a daughter together, growing as a family together. It all finally came into fruition.

‍However, God had other plans.‍

Throughout the day, everyday, I consistently ask myself “why her?”. It saddens me so deeply to not have the love of my life next to me. But what truly makes it hard to breathe, when I think about  Maria’s spirit feels.

The anger.

The resentment.

Not being able to help our beautiful baby grow.

Why God? Why her? Why me?

The way my spirit feels, a tug of war, every second, as to what made God think I was the soldier for this battle. I’ve done much research and I’ve come across a term called Survivor Guilt. The term defined:‍

Individuals who believe it is unfair that they survived when others died and/or believe they did not do enough to save the lives of others may come to experience survivor guilt after trauma or a catastrophic event.‍

I believe every child needs a mother. This situation right here, was never discussed between us. Literally ever. I mean, who ever would? Who wants to think of having a piece of their family just taken away from you. Without warning.

Now I’m left here alone.

The fact that Alina has all the support, and then some, that she needs to prosper, gets me through the day.

But at the same time, it still hurts..

When I look at my beautiful daughter Alina, I see Maria. Even Though it makes me smile, in the same glance, it brings me sadness. I wanted to see Maria in action, as a loving mother because I knew it was what she was tailor made to do. There is no doubt in my mind that she was going to be the absolute best! But in my eyes, and in my heart, she still is. Even though she isn’t here anymore, because of the type of person she was, damn near perfect, it was in her cards. The aura she had was unbelievable. Comparable to the feeling you would have seeing somebody walk on water. It was unbelievable. Not to mention the strength she had. I can be happy about that because I know, Maria’s strength will be instilled into her Alina.

To end, I would just like to say that it brings me happiness that before Maria passed, she truly knew how much I loved her and I knew how much she loved me. I lost faith in God for a long time. However, because of this, my thoughts have changed.

I’m praying heaven is real now. I want to see Maria again.‍

In Loving Memory of Maria Corona. May you Rest In Peace.