My name is Mike Ayley. I am a father to an amazing boy and I’m the life partner of a wonderful woman. I’m also a bass player in a band that has multi-platinum albums and travels the world on extended tours away from home. It’s definitely a non-traditional life, but providing a consistent, normal, strong family life for my son has always been my top priority.
Finding a balance between my work life and home life was definitely a challenge at first, but making it work was always non-negotiable to me. I always wanted to be a 100% present parent providing lots of personal time, endless and unconditional love, understanding and patience, guidance and support and also lots and lots of fun.
When my son turned one, his mother and I divorced. At first I was worried that this would be a huge hurdle that would impact the connection between us; in hindsight, it was a blessing. My son was still in diapers and I was the primary and sole caregiver. That meant that one day I’d play a concert for 25,000 people and the next day I’d be wiping his poopy bum. Haha! It sounds like an unpleasant mindset change to have to make, but I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having those responsibilities helped keep my life in check, kept me grounded and always kept the priorities where they needed to be. Of course, the greatest gift of being the one-on-one parent was building a very strong connection with my son. He and I are soul mates. We have such a precious and tight bond. He makes me laugh when I least expect it and need it the most. He gives me advice and perspective that would never cross my mind.
When it comes to life, he is the bottom line.
Being a good parent is always challenging, but being a good parent when you’re away on tour for a month at a time is particularly complicated. Fortunately, my son has adapted incredibly well to our situation and is equally comfortable with his mother and me — and we are committed to working together as a team. That’s important, because it allows us to spend time building good habits and working on breaking the bad ones as a family.
For example, at the end of last school year, we knew we needed to focus on improving our son’s reading skills. With the diligent and loving support of his stepmom (my lovely Emily), we worked on his reading over the summer and throughout this school year. He read 30-40 books throughout that time. He just received his grade four year-end report card and is “well above the expected reading and comprehension level for his grade.” I’m so proud of him and those around him — his mother, stepmom and me — for the work we put in to accomplish this goal. It was a victory we all have shared as parents. I can’t imagine not being part of the solution as a dad.
I think everyone has advice on how to be a good parent, and in a way, I’m guessing there’s truth to all of it. Every person is different. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. I think you really need to develop your own style as a parent. Finding the approach that works takes time, willingness to change and a lot of patience…Fortnite overload anyone?!!!
One other piece of advice I would share with parents who have high-profile, celebrity jobs that keep them in the media spotlight is to not let all the attention become part of your family life. It has always been very, very important that my son is his own person, has his own unique identity and is not just an extension of who I am or what I do. Don’t get me wrong, he loves my band, loves coming to the shows and wants to be a musician when he grows up; I just think it’s really important that your child’s experiences, problems, opportunities for growth, joys and victories carry the same weight as your own. Just because a million people are noting what you do on social media doesn’t mean it’s more important than what your child did at school with his friends.
My son’s life is still a partially-painted canvas and that is such a beautiful thing. I want to be a father that helps prepare him for life as an independent, strong and caring man who never loses that magical light inside!
Get the best dad stories, straight to your inbox