Two under 2

I was never in favor of having babies so close in age before I was a parent. I thought it was important to have time to appreciate one child before having another. My girlfriend was on the fence about it.

My brothers are three and five years older than me. It’s not the age gap that you’d think would encourage growing up as best friends, but we couldn’t be any closer. I guess that’s what I envisioned when I thought about the relationship between my future kids.

It wasn’t until I began feeling the everyday joys of fatherhood that I jumped on board with the idea of having kids back-to-back. They’d be able to go to school together and experience growing up together.

The age gap between my daughters is 16 months. That doesn’t seem like much, but we quickly realized that thinking about them being 12 and 13 or 17 and 18 and best friends was getting way ahead of ourselves. The gap between a two-year-old and a baby that isn’t even one is MAJOR. One is walking, talking and basically doing everything and a newborn is completely dependent on their parents.

One of our major worries was how my oldest would deal with not having our attention every second of the day. But she welcomed her baby sister with open arms. What we didn’t think about was how much another baby would change things for her parents. For the most part, we didn’t change our lifestyle much with one baby. Dinners, get-togethers, vacations, and flying went pretty smoothly. We were blessed with a very easygoing baby who enabled us to move around (and physically move three times within the two years of her life) without much trouble. From Houston to LA, LA to Turkey, and then from Turkey to Toronto, she has traveled a lot.

We began to realize that it is possible, but certainly not easy, to continue doing some of the things with two babies that we did with one. Simple things such as getting them dressed, taking them out of the car or even going to dinner became an event that now requires both of us to handle specific parts of the process. With one baby, it was always sort of, “You’ve been holding her all night, let me take her and you take a break.”

Things are different and there are some challenges, but I certainly would encourage people to have “two under 2” if it made sense in their lives to do so.

It should go without saying that every birth/baby is different, but when you have a very easy experience with your first child you expect the same for the second. Talk about unrealistic expectations. Everything from the hospital experience at birth to sleep patterns, to the little personalities they have as babies…they are two completely different people. Different personalities, different experiences, different preferences.

My oldest is a daddy’s girl born in Houston. From the day we got home, it was me who would put her to sleep and calm her when she cried. My youngest, who was born in Toronto, is all about her mommy. As they grow, you generally expect them to go through the same stuff at the same pace in the same way, but all babies progress and grow at their own pace. We’ve come to accept that and respect each of them as their own person.

I grew up with four younger siblings I love deeply, but the love and joy I’ve received from having kids of my own is something way different. A different kind of love. Because we had another child so quickly after our first, I didn’t think the birth would have the same effect on me — but it did. I still had that “wow, she’s really here and she’s mine” moment in the hospital. It feels like having double the love.

My kids were also born at such a pivotal time in my own life. As I’ve dealt with some of my most challenging years, my kids have given me a different kind of motivation. It’s not about playing and fighting for personal glory, it’s about literally being the man that has to put food on the table. My kids have given my life so much more meaning than just being the best basketball player I can be. They don’t care how I play, my shooting percentage, whether I won or lost; they’re just happy that daddy is home. That has helped me through the ups and downs of being an NBA player and through a season-long rehab.

Someday my kids might look back to appreciate what their parents sacrificed for them. But they will never understand how much they did for their daddy from the day they were born. My “two under 2” changed my life like no one else could.

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