You Deserve To Smile, Too

If you look at my social media posts since my daughter was born, I’ve posted far more pictures of her than me or my wife. I’ve posted pictures or video of her almost every day. It’s funny, I said to my wife right before Amiyah was born, “We have to make sure we don’t post our daughter too much on social media — we don’t want people to get sick of seeing her.”

In theory, it was a reasonable statement. In practice, maybe I’ve overdone it a little…

I don’t want to make it sound like sharing my daughter with the world is a bad thing. She’s my everything and I’m not apologetic for being a proud dad and showing her off. Anybody who follows me or knows me can definitely see how enthusiastic I am about being a new father.  But I just need to be conscious about staying true to myself as well.

Let me explain what I mean.

Before I was a father, I was Dylan Ennis — the husband, son, brother and basketball fanatic. A guy who loves to go to the movies, loves to draw and write poems, and do many other things. I was and will always be a man who loves to do all these things because they make me happy and make me who I am. As a father, I can’t forget about these things.

Let me give you a real life example of how I still continue to do what makes me happy while balancing my responsibilities as a father.

Most parents are nervous about taking their fresh, new baby girl out into the public, let alone bringing her into a loud setting. Not my wife and me. While my wife was pregnant, she didn’t miss a home game of mine. Because of this, we predicted (hoped) our daughter would be used to all the noises of the arena when she was born. Lucky enough, we were right. The day my daughter turned two weeks old, she attended her first-ever basketball game to watch her father get buckets! People told us to get earmuffs for her, but we knew she would be fine, and she was. She slept throughout the entire game. At that moment we realized she was actually calmer when there was more noise around her.

Weird, right?

The next day, the new Avengers: End Game movie was premiering and I told my wife I wouldn’t miss it for the world. My wife knows that seeing movies in the theater is my favorite activity of all time, but she wasn’t too keen on the whole idea if it meant having to bring our daughter. She was petrified that our daughter might cry and everybody in the crowded theater would stare at us and wonder who the hell would bring a crying infant into a movie. Have to admit, it’s a legitimate concern.

I love movies in loud, packed theaters, but I have a child with me now. We could have decided to see the movie the following week when it would have been far less crowded. This way if my daughter cried it wouldn’t be as embarrassing. But that’s not what I wanted to do. I wanted to see the movie of the year at its premiere. I had to see if we could make it work.

To my surprise, it did. Our daughter slept through the entire movie without a peep. We should have known. She’s been to loud basketball games. Movie sound effects were nothing to her.

Not only did I see an amazing movie that night (and did what makes me happy), I handled my responsibility as a father. I now have the experience and confidence to go to theaters with my daughter.

Side note: she’s two months now and we have already seen fivemovies together.

Look, I know that the movie theater experiment could have gone differently (glad it didn’t), and I’m not saying you have to jump in the fire like that right away. Maybe start with smaller balancing acts and work your way to more challenging ones.

Here’s an example:

When something is in my head, I have to type it out — whether that is for my Fatherhood Blog, poetry, or just getting some thoughts onto my laptop. Of course, things seem to pop in my head whenever I am holding my daughter because my wife is cleaning, cooking, or working out at the gym. That makes typing tricky, but I’ve found a way to get it done.

My daughter loves to sleep on my chest, and I need two hands to type. Therefore, I prop her up comfortably on my large chest while I type. I get to do what I enjoy, which is writing…while staring at the best thing to happen to me.

Sure, there are certain compromises now that I have a big, new responsibility (my daughter). But that responsibility won’t consume me so much that I forget to make myself happy, while still making her happy.

Is this selfish? Quite the opposite, actually.

Somebody once told me: To be a good father, you must be a good man first. The happier you are, the happier you can make your child. I am only two months into this whole fatherhood thing and trust me, I already find it challenging to do things I WANT to do versus things I HAVE to do. I can only imagine what it must be like for fathers who have multiple kids and have been doing this for years.

Nonetheless, if you are a new father like me, my advice would be to never forget about your personal happiness. Not at the expense of your child’s, but finding a balance between the two will only make for a better life for the both of you. And for the fathers who have been at this for years, if you have found that steady balance, I commend you and look forward to learning from you. On the other hand, if you are reading this and realize that you aren’t as happy as you’d like to be, take some time to reflect and think about ways to find happiness again.

Don’t go and forget about your kids, but do something that puts a smile on your face. Whether it’s big or small, make time to find and do what makes you happy.

Every father deserves to smile just as much as their child does.

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